Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The Dr. Seuss Purity Test (PG-13)

"The Dr. Seuss Purity Test
This page rated PG-13 (Language). Be warned.
Author: William Elton (wangtang@hotmail.com)
Have you done it on a boat?
Have you done it with a goat?

Have you done it in a bed?
Have you done it with the dead?

Have you done it in the ass?
Have you done it, high on grass?

Have you done it in the car?
Have you simply gone too far?

Have you done it on the beach?
Have you done it with the teach?

Have you done it on your back?
Have you done it strapped to a rack?

Have you done it in a box?
Have you done it with a fox?

Have you done it in a tree?
Have you done it with more than three?

Have you done it in the rain?
Have you done it for the pain?

Have you done it 'tween the tits?
Have you done it wearing mitts?

Have you done it packed in rubber?
Have you done it undercover?

Have you done it on a perch?
Have you done it in a church?

Have you done it with a virgin?
Have you done it with a sturgeon?

Have you done it with ropes and chains?
Have you done it while insane?

Have you done it on the stage?
Have you done it underage?

Have you done it with all your friends?
Have you done it in both ends?

Have you done it with your dog?
Have you done it on a log?

Have you done it under clamps?
Have you done it with the lamps?

Have you done it without style?
Have you done it for all to see?
Have you ever had VD?

Have you done it on Mother's couch?
Have you done it in your mouth?

Have you done it while on tape?
Have you done it out of shape"

I Can Hardly Stand it, Mate

Corrie is getting just too exciting and Mr. Nag's not here to hold me hand. Is Dev dead? Did Maya blow him up? Will Kelly convince Sean to play for her team? I know I can find all the information I need on-line or I can call my Aunt Sheila but I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, would I?

Monday, August 29, 2005


Wonder what this is like.

"Weeds, a new Showtime comedy series in which a suburban widow takes up the not very noble profession of pot-dealing after her husband drops dead, can't be called courageous, since the premium-cable networks have little to lose when they venture into controversial territory, but it is nonetheless daring. Weeds actually meets the rarely fulfilled promise of Showtime's former slogan: No Limits. Showtime suffers from reflexive, and mostly substantive, comparisons with HBO, but Weeds puts it a little closer to HBO in its asymptotic relationship with the Tiffany network of the premium-cable universe. "

do not call

Sick of pesky telemarketers interfering with your dinner, your nap, your life? Here are some tested techniques to turn the tables on even the most persistent telemarketer. Try this one: "Congratulations! You're the 100th caller on the (insert local radio station) Sweet Vacation Giveaway Blast Marathon. You've just won a pair of tickets to Negril, Jamaica and the use of Sean Paul's celebrity vacation house. Take down her address and send her all of your L.L.Bean catalogues for the rest of your life...after you use them as liner for your cat's litter box." Revenge is sweet.

Bad Trip

Hey man, that purple microdot sure is some heavy stuff! I was trippin' and I like hallucinated that George Bush's behaviourally and intellectually challenged son, George W., became president and like he was a real war monger and he blamed everything on September 11 . Why should we pass tax cuts for the rich? The September 11 attacks. Why should we clear cut forests and let polluters write environmental policy? The September 11 attacks. Why has America lost millions of jobs since Bush took office? The September 11 attacks. Next thing you know, he'll be saying we went to war with Iraq because of the September 11 attacks! Nah, he wouldn't go that far...

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Mr. Nag's Birthday

Last night was Mr. Nag's Freedom 55 very exclusive birthday party and we decided to celebrate with a good bottle of champagne from the wine cellar . It needed a chilling so I put it in the freezer for a bit - too long a bit. When Mr. Nag opened the bottle it was partially frozen. What ensued was a bit of slapstick with vintage champagne erupting violently from the bottle. I put my mouth over it but the force was just too great and I had to pass it to Mr. Nag who likewise could not contain the champagne geyser. We filled many glasses before things settled down - and then we drank them. Katie, the ancient spaniel, enjoyed licking up the champagne puddles on the kitchen floor.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Ralph Nader barbecued my puppy

" I staggered home in tears, my whole world shattered...my Fifi...dead....All cut up into pieces and burning over hot coals! What sort of fiend....Just a sweet little puppy....How could anyone.... "

How to Tell When a Relationship is Over

More on the Religious Wrong

"What did the Fascist regimes in Italy, Germany, and Spain have in common? They consisted of a highly militarized state, backed by corporation and a wealthy elite, that rose to power through a false populism that exploited the public's fear of foreigners and 'moral degenerates'.

This precisely defines the formula that Karl Rove designed to consolidate the Bush administration's power in the recent election.
--Sean Donahue, Nov. 2004 "

The Miniature Earth

This reduces what we already know about this world into numbers that we can understand more viscerally.

50 People Who Need a Vicious Beating

"37. Steven Tyler
There was a commercial that was on television not too long ago, where a bunch of 30-something women were having lunch and Steven Tyler walked in. They all clamored to get to their digital cameras so they could take his picture. Steven Tyler. The guy looks a cross between a battered wife and large mouth bass, not to mention he is almost 60 years old! You can't tell me there are women out there who still get moist at the sight of this guy. "

Daily Lush Magazine

"If you've got a real drinking problem, maybe alcohol has destroyed your family, lost you jobs, even come close to killing you. Forget it. You're an amateur. " Guilt begone! Reading about these dudes makes me feel so much better about my own misspent youth.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I Like Jack White

Here's his new video. Hey Jack, you can ring my doorbell any time you like.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

"Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?"
I have no doubt that this question will be moot before too long.

Harper's Index for July 2005

"Number of Saudi men who were imprisoned and flogged for behaving like women at a party in March: 100" or how about this one: "Number of Americans who spend more than a quarter of their income on health care: 14,300,000."
I haven't read the Harper's Index for awhile but for many years it was a favourite read (secretly, I always felt a little superior to my friends who , for the most part, just didn't like to read newsy-type things). It's always got some numbers that surprise (Are they true? Who says?).

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Christian Wrong

If I hadn't heard this on multiple media today I'd think that this story was the work of left-wing paranoiacs. Hugo Chavez has had to face daunting challenges both from within his own country and from the US. The Frontline piece a couple of years ago about the American-guided anti-Chavez uprising made me a Chavez supporter. Now, if Robertson were a Muslim cleric urging people to assassinate George Bush, would the American government say, "He's a private citizen, he can say what he wants."? This disgusts me. Do the words,"Thou shalt not kill" ring a bell? Here's a quote from Daily Jive that shows how wrong the Christian right is:

What type of weaponry Jesus would prefer when he does his work among men, please join the Daily Jive's letter writing campaign and ask Pat. A typical letter might be "Dear Pat, what type of stopping power would Jesus prefer in hand weaponry?" or "What might Jesus look for in ammo that leaves an exit wound the size of a grapefruit?", "or possibly, "Pat, how might political murder be accomplished in a most holy and economically incentivized fashion such that the righteous killer be rewarded with the fruits of his blessed assasination mission?"

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Waiting For Mr. Nag

It's as if they can tell time. Max and Katie know exactly when Mr. Nag will be returning from work and take up their positions on the sun porch. Katie knows there'll likely be a cookie in it for her. A little earlier they were posed very cutely side-by-side but refused to do it again when I got the camera.

Bye Bye Hunter

What a way to go!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Travel Blog

Eve Andersson shares photos and comments on places she's visited. I didn't like the section on Paris, mostly photos of herself and her friends. However the shots of Guatemala, Iceland and Norway make me want to start making travel plans. This photo is Tromso, Norway.

Friday, August 19, 2005

My Morning Smile

Nothing could be finer than to see that SOB, Conrad Black, slammed again. His long-time partner in crime, David Radler, is turning on Lord Black of Crossharbour to save himself, much as an animal caught in a trap will bite off its own leg. I wonder if being forced to be some big tatooed dude's prison bitch will wipe that self-satisfied smirk off Connie's big fat face? One advantage derived from being married to dominatrix, Barbara Amiel, for so many years is that being on the receiving end of a bit of jailhouse S&M should pose no new challenge to his lordship.

eclectech : camilla queen

eclectech : camilla queen Very cruel and slightly risque video of Camilla, world's most hated consort.

Sam's Done Well

TheStar.com - I do like greens and I am less toxic, Sam
Sam and Elvira Graci lived across the street from us for a number of years and, when we first moved to town, they had a little welcoming party for us. They were, and I suppose still are, kind and gentle people, vegetarians, spiritual, etc. and were always nice to my kids. Sam was a guidance counsellor at a Niagara Falls high school. It surprises me that he could have become such a successful businessman - I am genuinely happy for him.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

If IT Companies Made Toasters

Subway Stations of the world

Metro Arts and Architecture - Metro Bits - mic-ro.co(s)m Look at this photo of the central platform of the Komsomolskaya station in Moscow. The old communist regime believed in creating palaces for the people.Is this what the TTC means by the better way? I wish!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

What's Your Political Philosophy? I'm Green - Not



New Democrat


Old School Democrat




Pro Business Republican


Foreign Policy Hawk


Socially Conservative Republican

You scored as Green. The Green Party believes in an America where decisions are made by the people and not by a few giant corporations. Their environmental goal is a sustainable world where nature and human society co-exist in harmony.

Actually I don't trust the Canadian Greens. They have a decent environmental policy (some would argue that the NDP are stronger on the environment) but they're all over the map on everything else.

Margaret Chase Smith

As relevant today, I think, as it was then.
via metafilter

Monday, August 15, 2005

Drunk Bastard Bars

I'll bet these drunk bastards know their stuff. I know, I'll make it my life's goal to drink my way around the world at every one of these bars, after all they are deemed to be "the best" so what harm could come of it? Restless in Kazakhstan? Check out the Golden Horn in Alma Ati - "The only place in Eurasia to really get bladdered; not many girls, but hey, we can deal with that; the attractions are: Home brewed beer, Arak (fermented mare's milk), drunk Mongols, drunk Russians, drunk me, black bread, and just round the corner from The Admiral Nelson where the Funk/Soul music keeps one going until it's time to just drink and fall into a coma".
via Daily Jive Weblog

Sunday, August 14, 2005

What do you get when you cross...?

This humidity makes me look like the bastard spawn of Annroseannadanna and Phil Spector.

Me to Mr. Nag: It feels like rain, dear.
Mr. Nag: The weather forecast said clear but you've got that distinctive Elsa Lanchester coif from Bride of Frankenstein.
Me: And my hip and shoulder are actin' up somethin' fierce.
Mr. Nag: You're more reliable than a whole stack of Farmer's Almanacs, Mrs. Nag - hand me my umbrella.

This is What Downloading Porn Will Get You

I almost felt sorry for Larry but he was asking for it. I hope you've all learned a lesson. Watching farm sluts have sex with animals always ends in tears.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Don't Shoplift at Wal-Mart

HoustonChronicle.com - Answers sought in death outside Wal-Mart
Wal-Mart - streamlining capital punishment: why put money into some fatcat lawyer's pocket when a couple of minimum wage security guards will do the job for next to nothing?

Honk if You Love Nascar

This little video is all over the web today. I found it on Metafilter. It's funny but close enough to what I've seen in Arkansas to make me squirm. I swear to God, y'all, Jonesboro was the most foreign place I've ever visited - the food was greasy and weird, the people were enormous and they all talked funny.

Angry Food.

I'm reading a great book right now )which I'll review on my book blog before too long). The author talks a lot about eating in a chapter entitled, sensibly enough, "Eating". When she was a child her mother would put the same meal on the table every Thursday evening, a jellied salad and something called American Chop Suey that sounds like a disgusting melange. The author hated this meal and the dinner table became a battlefield. Every Thursday she would sit at the table until bedtime or until she finished her meal(she could never force herself to swallow this godawful concoction). When we were teenagers my sister and I went to live with my father. He was, I guess, disappointed that we didn't know how to cook. My mother had not been a culinary role model; her pieces de resistance were flaccid bacon with a can of tomatoes tossed over top, potatoes mashed with a can of salmon or Kraft dinner. If my grandmother hadn't sent us CARE packages several times a week we might have starved. Actually,to her credit, my mother did eventually learn to make a decent Bolognese sauce. What was I getting at? Oh yes, every week my father bought huge bags of frozen mixed vegetables (peas carrots, corn, squash, etc) that made my sister and I gag and we were served these night after night for years. We'd try to sneak them into napkins on our laps without getting caught and then we'd flush them down the toilet at an opportune time. We'd have to swallow some, though, which produced violent retching. To this day I can't understand why he didn't buy peas or corn or carrots frozen separately, we would have eaten them that way. Why would a parent set up this type of power struggle? As I read this book I identified with the author and felt all the anger rise up that I thought had dissapated long ago.
Food and eating are, as we all know, emotionally charged subjects. Take for instance the current backlash against vegetarians. Meat eaters seem to take vegetarianism as a personal affront for some reason.Bad News Hughes takes particular offense:
Ever see a vegetarian find out their soup might have been made with chicken broth? It’s quite a spectacle. Coughing, dry heaves, tears... They’ll put on a nice little show, for sure. You’d think someone smacked ‘em in the gut with a frozen ham. Not that I would know what it looked like if you just up and smacked some vegetarian in the gut with a frozen ham... I swear.
WesaTurtle suggests:
eating THREE times the amount of meat you'd normally consume to make up for all the meat that your vegetarian buddy isn't eating.

As a perpetually angry adolescent I would be driven up the wall by my mother's refusal to eat a tossed salad although she would eat each of the ingredients if they were laid out separately on her plate. She was not a fan of condiments; mustard, relish, mayonnaise, or pickles never crossed her lips and the sanctimonious way she'd decline such items as if to say, "you don't know what you're eating, you poor deluded creatures" , caused steam to erupt from my ears. Until I was in my mid-teens I was brainwashed into believing that it was tres gauche to eat condiments. Now, of course, I'll eat anything. I try to steer clear of macadamia nuts having broken into a huge stash my stepfather sent me one Christmas when I was stricken with a major case of the munchies. I ate so many nuts (plain,candy-coated, barbecued, chocolate-covered - I jammed them all down my cakehole) I made myself sick and am reminded of this whenever I see macadamia nuts.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Custom Road Sign

Custom Road Sign

I Was a Thumbsucker

Apple - Trailers - Thumbsucker
Maybe I'll go see this movie. When I was about 10 years old I feared that I'd still be sucking my thumb when I got married. Then I read in Silver Screen or some equally reputable publication that Brigitte Bardot still sucked her thumb which lessened my anxiety, but only a bit. When relatives tried to stop me my mother always defended my oral proclivity, saying, "It's the only pleasure she's got." Thinking back, it probably was. Later on I stopped sucking my thumb and moved on. As a teenager I likely got too intoxicated to direct thumb to mouth and thus a disturbing habit was broken - and another begun. There you are - True Confessions.

Welcome to the White House - But Not If Your Name is Cindy Sheehan

Slap me if my blogging is too political or, on the other hand, you could just switch to CNN. I just can't see the conflict here nor understand the vehemence of the rage of her critics. Cindy Sheehan lost a son to this ridiculous war. She is free to form opinions about it and she can express them freely and petition the government for a redress of grievances. If she's not entitled to do this, who the hell is? Don't they still have some sort of First Amendment down there?

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


Joop on Flickr - Photo Sharing!
This photo series on little Joop broke my heart.

Around-the-world trip smells like MPP junket

TheStar.com - Around-the-world trip smells like MPP junket
I must admit that I'd go along if I were invited but this trip is entirely unnecessary - surely electoral systems could be researched on the web by staff. All the parties should be ashamed of themselves.

It all starts with baguette

TheStar.com - It all starts with baguette
Great article on eating in Paris. On one of our trips to Paris we stayed in a hotel just up from Chartier, a turn of the century retaurant down a little alley. It is very popular with tourists but I got a piece of dried up roast chicken whereas, at a greasy spoon type place on the way up to Montmartre I got out of this world roast chicken and frites. Nonetheless, I'll probably take my sisters there in the spring, if only for the immense, high ceilinged, mirrored interior with brass bag racks above the tables. I'm sure that Parisians think Chartier is the Disney version of a brasserie but it's cheap and close to several Passages, those beautiful pedestrian mini-malls, ideal for a fin-de-siecle shopping cruise.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Monday, August 08, 2005

Right on!
Reminds me of "We don't swim in your toilet, don't pee in our pool."

The Finest Bronze Bust of George W. Bush in the United States

Commander in Chief
The Finest Bronze Bust of George W. Bush in the United States It's been reduced to $1995 (US). What a bargoon! I'll add it to my Dubya collection. Actually, I only have one other item in that collection: a talking George Bush doll, a gift from little Larry, the world's most cynical (yet loveable) intern.

Talking Dubya

Are We Having Fun Or What?

Saturday night
Most people would be ashamed to post a picture like this. Not me; I have no shame. Pinot Noir and Bordeaux - $80.00. Getting pissed with old friends - priceless.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Oh No!

I'm planning to start a blog for Mr. Nag and I set up Picassa for him in preparation. A bunch of my photo folders went from my collection to his. I moved them into a shared folder and tried to import them from there to my Picassa. Some folders transferred and others didn't and I suspect that they're lurking on Picassa in some non-visible form. I've spent far too much time trying to fix this today and it's not doing my hangover any good.

Vengence is Mine

Let's go shopping!
In 1989 the Barbie Liberation Organization was formed. Taking advantage of similarities in the voice hardware of Teen Talk Barbie and the Talking Duke G.I. Joe doll, er, “action figure,” they absconded with several hundred of each and performed a stereotype-change operation on the lot.
The surgery was no simple matter - circuit boards had to be trimmed, a capacitor moved, and a switch re-engineered. The press made it sound like an easy pop-and-switch operation, but this took some research and dedication. The BLO returned the altered dolls to the toy store shelves, who then resold them to children who had to invent scenarios for Barbies who yelled “Vengeance is mine!” and G.I. Joes who daydreamed “Let's plan our dream wedding!” Cleverly placed “call your local TV news” stickers on the back ensured that the media would have genuine recipients to interview as soon as the news broke.

One blog created 'every second'

BBC NEWS | Technology | One blog created 'every second'
I just learned from this article that I can blog directly from the Google tool bar. Wicked!

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Who's That Guy?

Bow tie
Matt, the lawyer from Vancouver, here for brunch. I am very fond of this boy. A few years ago Matt interned at my office and impressed me with his ability to cut directly to the chase. He taught me a thing or two as well. He came here directly from the Red Dress Run - he ran in a red negligee trimmed with black lace - gutsy. I wish I had a picture. He arrived in running shorts and a t-shirt, changed to an Indian style shirt and pants for brunch ( goat cheese and salmon quiche,roasted asparagus, greens and chocolate macaroons with white wine and espresso), showered and changed to the duds in the photo (complete with signature bow tie) for a wedding he was going to. Eclectic wardrobe for an eclectic life! Now I'll swing into action for dinner - I'm expecting more special friends from Toronto.

Friday, August 05, 2005

sad boy
Here's Max - note the hangdog expression. He was going about his before bed routine in the yard when he surprised a skunk. Max is an enormous flat-coated retriever so this was a big deal. Mr. Nag sprang up from his lawn chair where he was relaxing , listening to a bit of mellow jazz, harnessed the dog, yelled for the shampoo and headed to the lake where Max enjoyed a late evening swim followed by an intensive grooming and photo session. He's lying beside me now and smells like wet dog but not really skunky.
This town is full of skunks and they're very bold. The other morning at 5am Mr. Nag came upon one in the driveway and, mistaking it for Katie, our ancient, smelley dog, nearly picked it up. Last year, when he was sitting outside, one rubbed against his legs. Both dogs get skunked frequently so we have lots of practice dealing with this particular problem. Forget the tomato juice, simply shampoo without delay.

The Mother of All Garage Sales

Garage Sale
Don't tell Mr. Nag, scavenger extraordinaire, about this - I wouldn't want him taking off when we have plans for the weekend.

The 19th Annual "World's Longest Yardsale"
The US 127 Corridor Sale started in 1987. It begins at Covington, KY, and runs South to Chattanooga, TN, then switches to the Lookout Mountain Parkway, continuing to Gadsden, AL.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Job's a Bit Stressful But the Benefits Are Great!

Bush Vacation
WACO, Tex., Aug. 2 -- President Bush is getting the kind of break most Americans can only dream of -- nearly five weeks away from the office, loaded with vacation time.
Well I guess he works real hard and needs a bit of downtime. I'll bet this is exactly what all those young boys over in Iraq are thinking.

Our New GG

What an interesting and surprising choice! Multilingual, beautiful and intelligent, I suspect she's more than capable of shaking hands and cutting ribbons.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Quote Of the Day

Go Hog Wild!
Give me some pork and I will eat for a day. Teach me to BBQ pork and I will sit in the yard and drink beer all day.
Pork 24:7"
(A T-shirt slogan hung at the Hog Wild barbecue team booth)

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Sona si latine loqueris.

Honk If You Speak Latin!
This website provides all sorts of useful Latin phrases such as "Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat." It's Latin for "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
How about"Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem." ? Translation: "In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags."
Perhaps you prefer a little social commentary:"Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt." This means "When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults."
I was a serious Latin student all through high school. The stories we had to translate were all about the Punic Wars and other mind-numbing subjects but at Christmas time we got to sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Jingle Bells (tinniunt, tinniunt,tintinnabula) in Latin which I always found hysterically funny. I guess I've kept my adolescent sense of humour.

Monday, August 01, 2005


These look great until they succumb to mould.

See Tony Squirm

Phoney Blair - He's mastered the art of faking sincerity; who would ever think that he and his sycophantic, Bush-loving policies could have anything to do with the London bombings? Well, Linda McQuaig for one and Gwynne Dyer for another and me!

Linda McQuaig argues terror attacks are response to military actions:

British Prime Minister Tony Blair went to great lengths last week to suggest that the recent London bombings weren't connected to Britain's role in the occupation of Iraq, but rather to irrational hatred of western culture.
If you attack your neighbour, kill several of his family members, ransack his house and steal his car, is it logical to conclude that
your neighbour is in a rage against you because he doesn't like how you dress and what movies you enjoy watching?

This is what Gwynne Dyer has to say:Let's talk dirty. The 9/11 suicide hijackers — all Arabs — attacked the U.S. instead of Brazil or Japan because the U.S. government has been neck-deep in the politics of the Arab world for a generation, whereas the Brazilian and Japanese governments haven't. There is a connection between Washington's Mideast policies — its support for oppressive Arab regimes, its military interventions in the region, and its uncritical backing for Israeli government policies — and the fact that Americans have become the preferred targets for Islamist terrorist attacks.

Wow Whatta Dorcus!

The Husky Bastard Collection
Get that super trendy retro look. I know you'll be anxious to get to the fashion gallery but make sure to read the history of The Dorcus fashion dynasty.

As Dorcus wrote in his autobiography, Will Someone Open a Goddamn Window?, he was just another Manhattan cheap-suit seller operating from a small store near Little Italy. “I was dyin’. No one came to the store. I couldn’t blame ‘em. Jeez, I had the odor somethin’ bad. I had to leave the store and rub my face gainst a horse just to get my own stink out of my nostrils. But one day I see this ad in the paper: the government’s selling war surplus. They’d developed a lightweight fabric for gas masks,you know, for World War One. Well, there hadn’t been any gas wars lately, so they were sellin’ it off. I figure, if it keeps gas out, it can keep gas in. I made a bid. Spent every cent I had, and turned the fabric into suits. I called the fabric SWETZ-ALOT, because I figure guys who, you know, sweat a lot, would be attracted by the name. In retrospect SWET-NO-MOR would’ve been a better name, but I found out a place in Chicago trademarked that for something they called ‘deodorant.’ Whatever that was.”