DOSAGE: take two tablets every six hours for joint pain.

This warning about pharmaceutical side effects originally appeared in The New Yorker on April 13, 1998. It is Steve Martin at his most hilarious.

Twenty minutes after taking the pills, you will feel an insatiable craving to take another dose. AVOID THIS WITH ALL YOUR POWER. It is advisable to have a friend handcuff you to a large kitchen appliance, ESPECIALLY ONE THAT WILL NOT FIT THROUGH THE DOORWAY TO WHERE THE PILLS ARE. You should also be out of reach of any weapon-like utensil with which you could threaten friends or family, who should also be briefed to not give you the pills, no matter how much you sweet-talk them.

More Side effects by Steve Martin at Psycho-Babble

Thanks Bruce!