Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
The Dr. Seuss Purity Test (PG-13)
This page rated PG-13 (Language). Be warned.
Author: William Elton (wangtang@hotmail.com)
Have you done it on a boat?
Have you done it with a goat?
Have you done it in a bed?
Have you done it with the dead?
Have you done it in the ass?
Have you done it, high on grass?
Have you done it in the car?
Have you simply gone too far?
Have you done it on the beach?
Have you done it with the teach?
Have you done it on your back?
Have you done it strapped to a rack?
Have you done it in a box?
Have you done it with a fox?
Have you done it in a tree?
Have you done it with more than three?
Have you done it in the rain?
Have you done it for the pain?
Have you done it 'tween the tits?
Have you done it wearing mitts?
Have you done it packed in rubber?
Have you done it undercover?
Have you done it on a perch?
Have you done it in a church?
Have you done it with a virgin?
Have you done it with a sturgeon?
Have you done it with ropes and chains?
Have you done it while insane?
Have you done it on the stage?
Have you done it underage?
Have you done it with all your friends?
Have you done it in both ends?
Have you done it with your dog?
Have you done it on a log?
Have you done it under clamps?
Have you done it with the lamps?
Have you done it without style?
Have you done it for all to see?
Have you ever had VD?
Have you done it on Mother's couch?
Have you done it in your mouth?
Have you done it while on tape?
Have you done it out of shape"
I Can Hardly Stand it, Mate
Monday, August 29, 2005
Weeds
"Weeds, a new Showtime comedy series in which a suburban widow takes up the not very noble profession of pot-dealing after her husband drops dead, can't be called courageous, since the premium-cable networks have little to lose when they venture into controversial territory, but it is nonetheless daring. Weeds actually meets the rarely fulfilled promise of Showtime's former slogan: No Limits. Showtime suffers from reflexive, and mostly substantive, comparisons with HBO, but Weeds puts it a little closer to HBO in its asymptotic relationship with the Tiffany network of the premium-cable universe. "
do not call
Bad Trip
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Mr. Nag's Birthday
Friday, August 26, 2005
Ralph Nader barbecued my puppy
More on the Religious Wrong
This precisely defines the formula that Karl Rove designed to consolidate the Bush administration's power in the recent election.
--Sean Donahue, Nov. 2004 "
The Miniature Earth
50 People Who Need a Vicious Beating
"37. Steven Tyler
There was a commercial that was on television not too long ago, where a bunch of 30-something women were having lunch and Steven Tyler walked in. They all clamored to get to their digital cameras so they could take his picture. Steven Tyler. The guy looks a cross between a battered wife and large mouth bass, not to mention he is almost 60 years old! You can't tell me there are women out there who still get moist at the sight of this guy. "
Daily Lush Magazine
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
I have no doubt that this question will be moot before too long.
Harper's Index for July 2005
I haven't read the Harper's Index for awhile but for many years it was a favourite read (secretly, I always felt a little superior to my friends who , for the most part, just didn't like to read newsy-type things). It's always got some numbers that surprise (Are they true? Who says?).
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Christian Wrong
What type of weaponry Jesus would prefer when he does his work among men, please join the Daily Jive's letter writing campaign and ask Pat. A typical letter might be "Dear Pat, what type of stopping power would Jesus prefer in hand weaponry?" or "What might Jesus look for in ammo that leaves an exit wound the size of a grapefruit?", "or possibly, "Pat, how might political murder be accomplished in a most holy and economically incentivized fashion such that the righteous killer be rewarded with the fruits of his blessed assasination mission?"
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Waiting For Mr. Nag
It's as if they can tell time. Max and Katie know exactly when Mr. Nag will be returning from work and take up their positions on the sun porch. Katie knows there'll likely be a cookie in it for her. A little earlier they were posed very cutely side-by-side but refused to do it again when I got the camera.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Travel Blog
Friday, August 19, 2005
My Morning Smile
Nothing could be finer than to see that SOB, Conrad Black, slammed again. His long-time partner in crime, David Radler, is turning on Lord Black of Crossharbour to save himself, much as an animal caught in a trap will bite off its own leg. I wonder if being forced to be some big tatooed dude's prison bitch will wipe that self-satisfied smirk off Connie's big fat face? One advantage derived from being married to dominatrix, Barbara Amiel, for so many years is that being on the receiving end of a bit of jailhouse S&M should pose no new challenge to his lordship.
eclectech : camilla queen
Sam's Done Well
TheStar.com - I do like greens and I am less toxic, Sam
Sam and Elvira Graci lived across the street from us for a number of years and, when we first moved to town, they had a little welcoming party for us. They were, and I suppose still are, kind and gentle people, vegetarians, spiritual, etc. and were always nice to my kids. Sam was a guidance counsellor at a Niagara Falls high school. It surprises me that he could have become such a successful businessman - I am genuinely happy for him.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Subway Stations of the world
Metro Arts and Architecture - Metro Bits - mic-ro.co(s)m Look at this photo of the central platform of the Komsomolskaya station in Moscow. The old communist regime believed in creating palaces for the people.Is this what the TTC means by the better way? I wish!
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
What's Your Political Philosophy? I'm Green - Not
| You scored as Green. The Green Party believes in an America where decisions are made by the people and not by a few giant corporations. Their environmental goal is a sustainable world where nature and human society co-exist in harmony. Actually I don't trust the Canadian Greens. They have a decent environmental policy (some would argue that the NDP are stronger on the environment) but they're all over the map on everything else. |
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
They Must Have Read My Blog
If I can't take a trip around the world no else can either - so there.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Drunk Bastard Bars
I'll bet these drunk bastards know their stuff. I know, I'll make it my life's goal to drink my way around the world at every one of these bars, after all they are deemed to be "the best" so what harm could come of it? Restless in Kazakhstan? Check out the Golden Horn in Alma Ati - "The only place in Eurasia to really get bladdered; not many girls, but hey, we can deal with that; the attractions are: Home brewed beer, Arak (fermented mare's milk), drunk Mongols, drunk Russians, drunk me, black bread, and just round the corner from The Admiral Nelson where the Funk/Soul music keeps one going until it's time to just drink and fall into a coma".
via Daily Jive Weblog
Sunday, August 14, 2005
What do you get when you cross...?
This humidity makes me look like the bastard spawn of Annroseannadanna and Phil Spector.
Me to Mr. Nag: It feels like rain, dear.
Mr. Nag: The weather forecast said clear but you've got that distinctive Elsa Lanchester coif from Bride of Frankenstein.
Me: And my hip and shoulder are actin' up somethin' fierce.
Mr. Nag: You're more reliable than a whole stack of Farmer's Almanacs, Mrs. Nag - hand me my umbrella.
This is What Downloading Porn Will Get You
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Don't Shoplift at Wal-Mart
Wal-Mart - streamlining capital punishment: why put money into some fatcat lawyer's pocket when a couple of minimum wage security guards will do the job for next to nothing?
Honk if You Love Nascar
This little video is all over the web today. I found it on Metafilter. It's funny but close enough to what I've seen in Arkansas to make me squirm. I swear to God, y'all, Jonesboro was the most foreign place I've ever visited - the food was greasy and weird, the people were enormous and they all talked funny.
Angry Food.
I'm reading a great book right now )which I'll review on my book blog before too long). The author talks a lot about eating in a chapter entitled, sensibly enough, "Eating". When she was a child her mother would put the same meal on the table every Thursday evening, a jellied salad and something called American Chop Suey that sounds like a disgusting melange. The author hated this meal and the dinner table became a battlefield. Every Thursday she would sit at the table until bedtime or until she finished her meal(she could never force herself to swallow this godawful concoction). When we were teenagers my sister and I went to live with my father. He was, I guess, disappointed that we didn't know how to cook. My mother had not been a culinary role model; her pieces de resistance were flaccid bacon with a can of tomatoes tossed over top, potatoes mashed with a can of salmon or Kraft dinner. If my grandmother hadn't sent us CARE packages several times a week we might have starved. Actually,to her credit, my mother did eventually learn to make a decent Bolognese sauce. What was I getting at? Oh yes, every week my father bought huge bags of frozen mixed vegetables (peas carrots, corn, squash, etc) that made my sister and I gag and we were served these night after night for years. We'd try to sneak them into napkins on our laps without getting caught and then we'd flush them down the toilet at an opportune time. We'd have to swallow some, though, which produced violent retching. To this day I can't understand why he didn't buy peas or corn or carrots frozen separately, we would have eaten them that way. Why would a parent set up this type of power struggle? As I read this book I identified with the author and felt all the anger rise up that I thought had dissapated long ago.
Food and eating are, as we all know, emotionally charged subjects. Take for instance the current backlash against vegetarians. Meat eaters seem to take vegetarianism as a personal affront for some reason.Bad News Hughes takes particular offense:
Ever see a vegetarian find out their soup might have been made with chicken broth? It’s quite a spectacle. Coughing, dry heaves, tears... They’ll put on a nice little show, for sure. You’d think someone smacked ‘em in the gut with a frozen ham. Not that I would know what it looked like if you just up and smacked some vegetarian in the gut with a frozen ham... I swear.WesaTurtle suggests:
eating THREE times the amount of meat you'd normally consume to make up for all the meat that your vegetarian buddy isn't eating.
As a perpetually angry adolescent I would be driven up the wall by my mother's refusal to eat a tossed salad although she would eat each of the ingredients if they were laid out separately on her plate. She was not a fan of condiments; mustard, relish, mayonnaise, or pickles never crossed her lips and the sanctimonious way she'd decline such items as if to say, "you don't know what you're eating, you poor deluded creatures" , caused steam to erupt from my ears. Until I was in my mid-teens I was brainwashed into believing that it was tres gauche to eat condiments. Now, of course, I'll eat anything. I try to steer clear of macadamia nuts having broken into a huge stash my stepfather sent me one Christmas when I was stricken with a major case of the munchies. I ate so many nuts (plain,candy-coated, barbecued, chocolate-covered - I jammed them all down my cakehole) I made myself sick and am reminded of this whenever I see macadamia nuts.
Friday, August 12, 2005
I Was a Thumbsucker
Apple - Trailers - Thumbsucker
Maybe I'll go see this movie. When I was about 10 years old I feared that I'd still be sucking my thumb when I got married. Then I read in Silver Screen or some equally reputable publication that Brigitte Bardot still sucked her thumb which lessened my anxiety, but only a bit. When relatives tried to stop me my mother always defended my oral proclivity, saying, "It's the only pleasure she's got." Thinking back, it probably was. Later on I stopped sucking my thumb and moved on. As a teenager I likely got too intoxicated to direct thumb to mouth and thus a disturbing habit was broken - and another begun. There you are - True Confessions.
Welcome to the White House - But Not If Your Name is Cindy Sheehan
Slap me if my blogging is too political or, on the other hand, you could just switch to CNN. I just can't see the conflict here nor understand the vehemence of the rage of her critics. Cindy Sheehan lost a son to this ridiculous war. She is free to form opinions about it and she can express them freely and petition the government for a redress of grievances. If she's not entitled to do this, who the hell is? Don't they still have some sort of First Amendment down there?
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Around-the-world trip smells like MPP junket
I must admit that I'd go along if I were invited but this trip is entirely unnecessary - surely electoral systems could be researched on the web by staff. All the parties should be ashamed of themselves.
It all starts with baguette
TheStar.com - It all starts with baguette
Great article on eating in Paris. On one of our trips to Paris we stayed in a hotel just up from Chartier, a turn of the century retaurant down a little alley. It is very popular with tourists but I got a piece of dried up roast chicken whereas, at a greasy spoon type place on the way up to Montmartre I got out of this world roast chicken and frites. Nonetheless, I'll probably take my sisters there in the spring, if only for the immense, high ceilinged, mirrored interior with brass bag racks above the tables. I'm sure that Parisians think Chartier is the Disney version of a brasserie but it's cheap and close to several Passages, those beautiful pedestrian mini-malls, ideal for a fin-de-siecle shopping cruise.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Not a Pretty Picture
Ditch the Drag
Matt directed me to this charming photo of himsef at the Red Dress Run on his blog. Perhaps it's the posture but I don't think he does justice to his negligee. Call me bitchy but I think the other guy could use better makeup and accessories.
Monday, August 08, 2005
The Finest Bronze Bust of George W. Bush in the United States
Commander in Chief
The Finest Bronze Bust of George W. Bush in the United States It's been reduced to $1995 (US). What a bargoon! I'll add it to my Dubya collection. Actually, I only have one other item in that collection: a talking George Bush doll, a gift from little Larry, the world's most cynical (yet loveable) intern.
Talking Dubya
Are We Having Fun Or What?
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Oh No!
Vengence is Mine
Let's go shopping!
In 1989 the Barbie Liberation Organization was formed. Taking advantage of similarities in the voice hardware of Teen Talk Barbie and the Talking Duke G.I. Joe doll, er, “action figure,” they absconded with several hundred of each and performed a stereotype-change operation on the lot.
The surgery was no simple matter - circuit boards had to be trimmed, a capacitor moved, and a switch re-engineered. The press made it sound like an easy pop-and-switch operation, but this took some research and dedication. The BLO returned the altered dolls to the toy store shelves, who then resold them to children who had to invent scenarios for Barbies who yelled “Vengeance is mine!” and G.I. Joes who daydreamed “Let's plan our dream wedding!” Cleverly placed “call your local TV news” stickers on the back ensured that the media would have genuine recipients to interview as soon as the news broke.
One blog created 'every second'
I just learned from this article that I can blog directly from the Google tool bar. Wicked!
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Who's That Guy?
Bow tie
Matt, the lawyer from Vancouver, here for brunch. I am very fond of this boy. A few years ago Matt interned at my office and impressed me with his ability to cut directly to the chase. He taught me a thing or two as well. He came here directly from the Red Dress Run - he ran in a red negligee trimmed with black lace - gutsy. I wish I had a picture. He arrived in running shorts and a t-shirt, changed to an Indian style shirt and pants for brunch ( goat cheese and salmon quiche,roasted asparagus, greens and chocolate macaroons with white wine and espresso), showered and changed to the duds in the photo (complete with signature bow tie) for a wedding he was going to. Eclectic wardrobe for an eclectic life! Now I'll swing into action for dinner - I'm expecting more special friends from Toronto.
Friday, August 05, 2005
sad boy
Here's Max - note the hangdog expression. He was going about his before bed routine in the yard when he surprised a skunk. Max is an enormous flat-coated retriever so this was a big deal. Mr. Nag sprang up from his lawn chair where he was relaxing , listening to a bit of mellow jazz, harnessed the dog, yelled for the shampoo and headed to the lake where Max enjoyed a late evening swim followed by an intensive grooming and photo session. He's lying beside me now and smells like wet dog but not really skunky.
This town is full of skunks and they're very bold. The other morning at 5am Mr. Nag came upon one in the driveway and, mistaking it for Katie, our ancient, smelley dog, nearly picked it up. Last year, when he was sitting outside, one rubbed against his legs. Both dogs get skunked frequently so we have lots of practice dealing with this particular problem. Forget the tomato juice, simply shampoo without delay.
The Mother of All Garage Sales
Garage Sale
Don't tell Mr. Nag, scavenger extraordinaire, about this - I wouldn't want him taking off when we have plans for the weekend.
The 19th Annual "World's Longest Yardsale"
The US 127 Corridor Sale started in 1987. It begins at Covington, KY, and runs South to Chattanooga, TN, then switches to the Lookout Mountain Parkway, continuing to Gadsden, AL.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Job's a Bit Stressful But the Benefits Are Great!
Bush Vacation
WACO, Tex., Aug. 2 -- President Bush is getting the kind of break most Americans can only dream of -- nearly five weeks away from the office, loaded with vacation time.
Well I guess he works real hard and needs a bit of downtime. I'll bet this is exactly what all those young boys over in Iraq are thinking.
Our New GG
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Quote Of the Day
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Sona si latine loqueris.
Honk If You Speak Latin!
This website provides all sorts of useful Latin phrases such as "Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat." It's Latin for "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
How about"Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem." ? Translation: "In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags."
Perhaps you prefer a little social commentary:"Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt." This means "When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults."
I was a serious Latin student all through high school. The stories we had to translate were all about the Punic Wars and other mind-numbing subjects but at Christmas time we got to sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Jingle Bells (tinniunt, tinniunt,tintinnabula) in Latin which I always found hysterically funny. I guess I've kept my adolescent sense of humour.
Monday, August 01, 2005
See Tony Squirm
Phoney Blair - He's mastered the art of faking sincerity; who would ever think that he and his sycophantic, Bush-loving policies could have anything to do with the London bombings? Well, Linda McQuaig for one and Gwynne Dyer for another and me!
Linda McQuaig argues terror attacks are response to military actions:
British Prime Minister Tony Blair went to great lengths last week to suggest that the recent London bombings weren't connected to Britain's role in the occupation of Iraq, but rather to irrational hatred of western culture.
Really?
If you attack your neighbour, kill several of his family members, ransack his house and steal his car, is it logical to conclude that
your neighbour is in a rage against you because he doesn't like how you dress and what movies you enjoy watching?
This is what Gwynne Dyer has to say:Let's talk dirty. The 9/11 suicide hijackers — all Arabs — attacked the U.S. instead of Brazil or Japan because the U.S. government has been neck-deep in the politics of the Arab world for a generation, whereas the Brazilian and Japanese governments haven't. There is a connection between Washington's Mideast policies — its support for oppressive Arab regimes, its military interventions in the region, and its uncritical backing for Israeli government policies — and the fact that Americans have become the preferred targets for Islamist terrorist attacks.
Wow Whatta Dorcus!
The Husky Bastard Collection
Get that super trendy retro look. I know you'll be anxious to get to the fashion gallery but make sure to read the history of The Dorcus fashion dynasty.
As Dorcus wrote in his autobiography, Will Someone Open a Goddamn Window?, he was just another Manhattan cheap-suit seller operating from a small store near Little Italy. “I was dyin’. No one came to the store. I couldn’t blame ‘em. Jeez, I had the odor somethin’ bad. I had to leave the store and rub my face gainst a horse just to get my own stink out of my nostrils. But one day I see this ad in the paper: the government’s selling war surplus. They’d developed a lightweight fabric for gas masks,you know, for World War One. Well, there hadn’t been any gas wars lately, so they were sellin’ it off. I figure, if it keeps gas out, it can keep gas in. I made a bid. Spent every cent I had, and turned the fabric into suits. I called the fabric SWETZ-ALOT, because I figure guys who, you know, sweat a lot, would be attracted by the name. In retrospect SWET-NO-MOR would’ve been a better name, but I found out a place in Chicago trademarked that for something they called ‘deodorant.’ Whatever that was.”