Red, White, and You

Todd Levin of The Morning News  offers a handy guide to choosing wines. Among the useful tips:

Avoid bottles sporting any of these on the label:

• Typos, particularly in the spelling of “wine”
• Any cartoon likeness of a shark, monkey, Dracula wearing Ray-Ban sunglasses, or a drunk Frenchman urinating into a wooden barrel
• Endorsements like “From the creators of Robocop”
• Scratch-and-sniff technology
• Instructions to “Shake Well” or “Keep Away From Eyes, Skin, and Magnets”
• Claims such as “No Trans Fats” or “Contains 30% Real Wine”
• A vintage date that is a year in the future

Now you know. You're welcome.