Most films exist in a crazy and bizarre alternative reality created by Hollywood. Here are my 50 Things That Only Ever Happen in the Movies, but hardly ever happen in the world you and I live in.
5. All beds have special L-shaped sheets which reach to armpit level on women but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her
7. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish
18. Being an aging detective and drinking whiskey alone in a bar makes you irresistible to women
37. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, you don’t need to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers speak English to each other
40. When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises whilst wearing their most revealing underwear.
42. Don’t panic if you’re heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until it’s their turn to fight
Monday, September 07, 2009
50 Things That Only Ever Happen in the Movies
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When something really scary is killing people, college dorm kids, crew members, whatever, the best thing to do is split up and search the house/ship/base separately.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to go into the basement/engine room/machine shop only after your torch battery start to flicker out.
Ignore sudden steam leaks, you're in a movie, in movie engine-rooms there are always steam leaks.
In other genres, always remember that if the other guy has a car or motor-cycle, and you're on foot, the script will allow you to stay ahead for ages, no matter how much he guns the motor and crashes through heaps of carboard boxes. And despite that bad wound that makes you cry out as your leg buckles under you.