Long story short, I went to the store.

I have recently come to the realization that I am at risk of losing the use of my legs if I don't take a break from blogging and googling non-invasive cosmetic procedures. I decided that I should take on a project and that project would be pimping my sun porch. So I hied myself off to places I can only vaguely remember through the mists of time.
The fabric store was exactly as I remembered it. They still sell shoulder pads that look like they are meant to be worn under an NFL jersey and synthetic fabrics that make me break out in a rash just looking at them. I grabbed some foam and a remnant of black and white toile then stood in the checkout line for ten minutes while the cashier gave a customer advice on the care and preservation of polyester. Unnecessary advice, in my view, since I'm certain that the chemicals in polyester will ensure that it is preserved through many millennia without any special care at all. That said, these same chemicals may inversely affect the longevity of those who wear the fabric. But I digress.
My next stop was The Tire (readers north of the 60th parallel will know what I mean). It's the place where folks do oil changes in the parking lot. I was greeted by that old familiar smell of rubber and immediately distracted from the task at hand (purchasing spray paint) by the cornucopia of goods spread out like a buffet before me. They sell freaking everything. I found myself wanting it all: the cheap over-the-toilet shelving, backyard awning-tent type things, Corningware, and, for reasons unknown even to me, a bag of ketchup flavoured chips. In this exotic setting everything held a strange allure as if I'd been dropped onto the Temptation Island of the hardware universe. I'm not known for resisting temptation but I left with only some flat black exterior spray paint (after puzzling over the confounding variety for a half hour or so) and a concoction I hope will prove lethal to the Japanese beetles that are decimating my roses.
I enjoyed my outing so much I might start doing other things I haven't done in 15 or 20 years ago like playing Trivial Pursuit or Rubik's Cube.

Note: Lest you think I'm abnormal, I do shop, just not at these stores. I make frequent runs to the drug store for spackle to fill in my facial wrinkles and I keep Winners and The Book Depot in business.