From the spam files

I was just checking out my spam box and I can't help but feel sorry for celebrities who seem to have such complicated problems compared to mine:

Lindsay Lohan Addicted to Sex & Beverly Hillbilly Heroin (otherwise known as Granny Clampett's possum juice. I understand Lindsay and Ellie Mae are now an item and wear matching cutoffs, pigtails and teeny gingham tops)

Britney sues vagina for divorce (I'm surprised her vagina didn't beat her to the punch)

Paris Hilton Loses Vagina - Blames Dr Phil (Yo Paris, maybe you can have Britney's. She doesn't need it any more)