Sunday, March 11, 2007

A respectful, sensitive and very talkative alarm clock


VOCO Clock

The Voco alarm will lure a man from his secret recesses with the sound of gentle birdsong. This is followed by a discreet cough. Then the comforting words, “Good morning, Sir,” insinuate themselves into the room. This is followed by a message – a different one every morning (there are three months’ worth, before they start repeating). They say things like:

“I’m so sorry to disturb you, Sir, but it appears to be morning. Very inconvenient, I agree. I believe it is the rotation of the earth that is to blame, Sir.”
At the end of the message, a beep-beep-beep continues until the Cancel button is pressed, at which point the Clock says one of a dozen different things along the lines of: “Ghastly noise, I agree Sir.” Or, “Sir has a firm touch, but very fair.” There is also (will it ever end?) a 90-second relaxation exercise that can be activated at the touch of a button. The voice throughout is that of Stephen Fry as every man’s perfect valet. It is Gosford Park rather than Jeeves and Wooster. Sir does not wish for humour first thing in the morning. Sir requires gentle handling. Sir can be difficult, when he wants to be, as we all know.

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