-Someone kidnaps the Kingpin and imprisons him for six months in a hidden cell. They only feed him 500 calories a day, however, and when he finally escapes he's so skinny no one recognizes him.
- It is revealed that Superman has been secretly kidnapping and murdering young women from around the globe for many years. Apparently he has developed a taste for human flesh and, furthermore, gains sexual satisfaction from the act of murder. When he is confronted, he insists that this is nothing more than his due.
- Captain America gets hit on the head and forgets everything that happened to him since the end of WWII. He mistakenly believes it's still 1944 and drives down to the south to enforce resegregation.
- The Thing 'accidentally' crushes the Invisible Woman's head, as retaliation for walking around in a skin-tight uniform for forty-five years when she knew good and well he had always had a, um, thing for her.
- Maggie gets born-again and tries to convert Hopey.
- Years of drinking and binge-eating finally catch up to Hopey's metabolism and she gains 100 pounds. Maggie leaves her because she 'doesn't like fatties'.
- Garfield accidentally opens a portal to hell. In order to save his soul, he sells Jon and Odie to the devil.
Via Bookslut
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