Avery, You Crack Me Up

Avery Ant's "Things To Be Done" list:

Continue to not get a tattoo
Hunt down Santa Claus
Write world's worst book
Join snooty circus- My act: Golf Club Swallower
Rid the world of children
Laugh till I vomit
Reinvent the salt grinder
Start an "All Sheep Hockey League"
Try to incorporate words, "organ meat" into everyday conversations
Convince a businessman to wear go-go boots
Watch myself grow
Capture a feral pixie and mercilessly tease it
Get a life - or at the very least someone else's via identity theft
Something involving peaches, baking soda and organ meat
Ask a weight lifter if it's true they all have small penises
Learn to read minds
Learn to read lips
Learn to read
Fantasize about what life would be like if I had a third nipple
Wonder if there was ever a "Lawrence of Albania"
Dance for nasty, gun toting, old fashioned, movie cowboys
Wait for the toga to make a comeback
Evacuate bowels in public toilet
Form a Think Tank that only thinks about tanks
Continue to stick non-toxic things in my pants
Tell poignant story about organ meat