Moral Arbiters

I think every small town must have its moral arbiters, most often older, kind and wise women like Mary Worth. You know the type, keepers of cultural tradition and social order, philanthropists to the less fortunate, and mothers of the race. They do not squander their moral authority casually. Those of you on the brink of old age will remember this comic strip that appeared in the local dailies along with those other unreadables, Terry and the Pirates and Rex Morgan, M.D. I was surprised to see that it's still going strong. Mary, a 60 year old retired teacher and widow, now lives in The Charterstone Condominium Complex in California. She is an astute observer of human behavious who continues to give advice (solicited or not) on such complex matters as drug and alcohol abuse, infidelity, and teen pregnancy. I don't know how she does it but she looks even younger now than she did 40 years ago. The woman is awesome!

I got to thinking about these Mary Worth types after having a discussion with Mr. Nag about a situation of elder abuse he encountered while painting the abused man's house some years ago. Mr. Nag, at a loss as to what to do, consulted a neighbour and they agreed that our town's moral arbiter should be brought in. Within days the abuse victim was safely ensconced in a care facility. Mr. Nag recalls that there was a similar social paragon in Essex where he grew up. She kept the local alcoholics and adulterers in check. Her name was Ma Billings - really! I once heard about a woman named Hope Muckle who filled a similar niche in Durham.

My aunt, Kitty Hawkey (no kidding), plays this role in her community out west. When a Senor Frog franchise opened in her neighbourhood she decided that public intoxication and urination and late night hooting and hollering violated the standards of her community. This little old lady unleashed her morally upright wrath upon the heathens who, unable to withstand her steadfast assault, folded the franchise. Her neighbours also seek her counsel on a wide range of issues.

Mr. Nag has suggested that I could don the mantle of moral arbiter when the current model passes on. I guess he thinks that my sporadic Tourette's - like explosions of moral outrage qualify me for the position. I possess neither a weird enough name nor the necessary moral rectitude so I shall have to decline. I am far from a paragon of virtue and besides there are already too many moral arbiters-in-waiting in my little town.

(Drat! I have a great little Mary Worth comic strip and Blogger won't let me upload it.)