"For eight years now, Canadians have enjoyed loudly hating The Canadian Tire Guy (aka Ted Simonette; Bearded Guy; Canadian Tire Dad; Canadian Tire Douche), the Northern department store chain's effete, obnoxious TV spokesman. Even I've taken a few shots at him in the past. He's just too much of a dickhead not to. (Or maybe I'm just too much of one. I leave the semantics to you.)
The fictional know-it-all even won a recent CBC poll that crowned him the most annoying person in the country, beating out Celine Dion, Alanis Morrisette and real-life know-it-all John Ralston Saul for the dubious honor. (How the entire cast of the Royal Canadian Air Farce wasn't nominated, whose show is like a half-hour of nails screeching down a chalkboard, is beyond me; though I'm not above starting a rumor in this very sentence that they all sucked off CBC Chairman Guy Fournier to dodge the bullet.)
Happily . or perhaps sadly, depending on whether you liked having him around as an easy target for your disdain � Canadian Tire's retired Canadian Tire Guy, who's gone to the TV Spokesman Sound Stage in the Sky. No doubt to irritate God about using an inferior brand of brad remover or belt sander while renovating His basement.
God always takes the good ones first. The good ones, and the desexualized social irritants with the immaculately trimmed beards."
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