Bag Balm Is Nag Balm

I swear by this stuff. Originally designed to treat irritated cow's udders, it works like a charm on any sort of abrasion. Last week I was injured while stuffing envelopes, one of the hazards of my profession. It was a deep cut and burned like crazy. I applied bag balm; it soothed the burning and the next day the cut was history. A couple of nights ago while twisting and turning in bed I inflicted a nasty gash on the sole of one foot with a toe nail on the other (I'll bet you're picturing ghastly Howard Hughes - type toenails. They really aren't that bad, just sharp and the perfect thing for fending off unwanted suitors). I applied my magic balm and, once again, no sign of a scratch the next day. A can of it lasts forever and it has such a pretty little cow picture on it. I even put it on chapped lips. There are those who find that disgusting, "You put stuff meant for cow's udders on your mouth???" These same people likely drink udder fluid in their coffee and on their cereal.