I Think I'll Give Le Cinq A Pass

 Jay Rayner reviewed Le Cinq, the flagship Michelin three-star restaurant of the George V Hotel in Paris, and he didn't like it one bit. The meal for two, including service and modest wine cost €600 and Rayner describes it as "by far the worst restaurant experience I have endured in my 18 years in this job."
The decor sounds unappealing: "a broad space of high ceilings and coving, with thick carpets to muffle the screams. It is decorated in various shades of taupe, biscuit and fuck you."
A watercress puree makes his "lips purse, like a cat’s arse that’s brushed against nettles."
Le Cinq would not let him photograph their food afterwards and insisted that he use press shots. Fortunately Rayner had taken some shots with his iPhone during the meal. The photographs below of the gratinated onion dish he describes as "mostly black, like nightmares, and sticky, like the floor at a teenager’s party" highlight the differences between Rayner's experience and the press shot.

The onions. Photograph: The Guardian

The onions. Photograph: Jean Claude Amiel

The review is hilarious but don't read it if you prefer not to be left with bleak and troubling memories.