Sunday, July 24, 2016

The Four Horsemen of Gentrification

According to the New Standard Greenpoint Bible The Four Horsemen of Gentrification are Brine, Snark, Brunch and Whole Foods.

Then I saw when the Landlord broke one of the rent-controlled seals. I heard one of the four living creatures saying as with a voice of thunder, “Gentrify.” I looked, and behold, a green horse, and he who sat on it had a mason jar; and a fedora was his crown, and he went out pickling and to pickle.
— Millennials 6:1, New Standard Greenpoint Bible (NSGB)

Greenpoint biblical scholars from the early 21st century were the first to interpret this horseman as not only the emergence of artisanal pickle shops, but of all unnecessary goods. It is said that after Brine visits your village, products will be made out of coconut oil for no reason whatsoever. The horse’s green color represents the thousands of dollars that will soon be wasted on items like serrano pepper dishwashing liquid.

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